Blinding the Cyclops

One of the crew members writes home:

It was daytime. We saw land just a little ways off. We decided to just have fifty of us go than all of us, so if there were any danger we didn’t all get killed. So we sailed a smaller ship to land, leaving the big boat just of the beach on a little island. When we pulled onto the beach, we were astonished by the magnificent blocks of cheese and the buffalo-sized sheep.

We welcomed ourselves in a cave as expected of us and helped ourselves to the enormous cheese. We were on our way out of the cave when more large sheep came passing through, going into the cave. As we turned to leave once again the sheep herder entered the cave, but this was no regular herder, for it was a giant Cyclops.

It gazed around the cave noticing something different immediately. He finally caught a glimpse of us. Walking across the cave to us, he picked up one of the heavier-set men and ate him like a piece of crunchy bacon. We all stumbled for a moment. Realizing we had little time to escape, we ran for the door, but we didn’t make it as a big rock was rolled in front of it. We all took hiding places until we came up with a plan.

Eventually we talked him into negotiating a deal, but he grabbed another fine man up and devoured him immediately. We offered him wine, but he refused, having his own. So we told him it was the great wine of Troy. Hearing this, he snatched the bowl, saying, “Is this all you’ve got?” Drinking it quickly, he became very drunk and soon laid down to rest his eye.

Now the real plan began. We took a long wooden log to try to pry the door open, but the rock was too big and heavy, so we pondered for a while. Realizing how to get out, we took the wooden log and sharpened the end to a fine point. Then lifting it to the table’s edge, we dropped it right into the Cyclops’s eye, and he awoke screaming in pain. He tried to find us, but we hid.

Author: Matt